This is gonna be a short review. I am not familiar at all with Dead or Alive as a series and after watching this film I feel like I know even less. DOA has always come across to me as a game series made for 13-year old boys and the film is no exception with it taking every opportunity to linger on shots on the female leads. They even get to throw in a volleyball scene which at least gives it some connection to game series. So far we’ve had video game adaptations that are either surprisingly good, expectedly terrible or so boring it transcends being bad and settles in a deeper circle of hell that even Satan does not venture. This is one of those films.

The plot revolves around four fighters – Kasumi, a ninja princess who goes rouge in order to find her brother who is feared dead, Tina, a pro-wrestling champion who wants to prove she is not a fake fighter (also Kevin Nash plays her dad which gets a pop from me), Christie, a master thief and assassin who plans to steal all the money on the island, and Helena, daughter of the founder of the DOA tournament. They all get invited to the tournament where the winner gets $10,000,000. There’s a twist though and it definitely doesn’t involve the obviously evil Donovan (Eric Roberts) who definitely isn’t up to something stupid.

DOA is full of people who are either unlikeable or too boring to form an opinion of. No one seems to be having fun in their roles and thus it is hard to root for any of them. Every character only has a one track mind throughout the film and it never changes until the very end. The action is bog-standard, with wire rope martial arts being the dish of the day. There is a couple of decent fight scenes – there’s one with Helena on the steps with swords which I liked but that’s about it. Most other fight scenes just felt like the same thing over and over.

I spent 80 minutes watching this movie and immediately went to review it. It’s so forgettable I’m kinda struggling to remember what even happened. Unlike some other films I’ve reviewed, this is meant to be a fun light-hearted film for the most part but it misses the mark by a mile. I have nothing to say because this movie is a big pile of nothing. I’m glad I can take a break after I watch Tekken tomorrow because this was a bit draining.

FINAL SCORE:

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